Here I am: unemployed, unhealthy, wishing I was healthy enough to have a job, wondering what kind of job I can have, someday, when I get off disability (hopefully).
And yet, sometimes my life feels so full. There are days that the busy-ness and variety of my life makes me feel guilty. "If I'm able to do all these things, shouldn't I be working?" The answer is yes, I should be working and no, I'm not yet healthy enough to work.
During the Western Idaho Fair I worked the photography booth as a volunteer for the Boise Camera Club. The shifts were 4 or 5 hours, during which I was basically sitting at a desk, answering questions fair-goers had about the exhibit. Afterward I would come home and go right to bed. Those few hours exhausted me, and disappointed me that I didn't have more energy.
Today I took a ukulele lesson. Piko told me I'm progressing well. He could tell I've been practicing, which makes me feel good. I know I could practice more (should practice more), but I'm seeing improvement and I enjoy playing and practicing.
I'm exercising regularly, trying to improve my swimming skills. At one point I had the goal of competing in an Ironman Triathlon. I'm pretty sure that's an unreachable goal. I don't think I'm ever going to be healthy enough for that much physical exertion. There are shorter events that I will definitely participate in, like the upcoming Mini-Tri at the Nampa Rec Center in October.
I'm learning Spanish. I've been learning for years now, and I keep trying to improve my fluency. During the time I had no voice it was difficult to practice. I could practice reading, writing, listening. But speaking just wasn't possible. Now that my voice is back enough to be audible, I'm getting more practice. I like listening to Spanish Radio (Radio Nueva Vida) and watching some Spanish movies and TV shows. I like the kid shows best because my language skills are similar to those of a 5 or 6 year old Spanish speaker.
I'm doing some adjunct teaching for the NNU Graduate School Counseling program. I enjoy the challenge of teaching future school counselors and getting to interact with some great people. If I can't work directly with students I can enjoy training the next generation of counselors.
I'm working on my photography, learning new techniques, new creativity, new ways to process. I think I'm getting better. And I love being part of the Boise Camera Club. I'm learning so much by being around amazing photographers.
Lastly, I'm writing a book. I have no deadline so I'm working on it a little bit at a time and enjoying the process of recording my thoughts (other than on this blog). I don't know if anyone will ever want to read a book about me, but I sure like writing it. And yes, I've already had people say they want to read it, and no I don't understand why someone would want to read a book about me.
So my life is full, even though there are days it feels empty. I keep reminding myself that life is not what I do. It is not my activities, not my schedule, not my lack of activity or schedule. My life is full of people and relationships and learning, and for now that is enough.