Before my last trip to my doctor in Salt Lake (the ENT who's working with my vocal chords), I had a speech planned. I was going to be firm, strong, direct, telling him why I wasn't happy with the results so far, and exactly what I wanted done. I even practiced my speech and questions during the 6 hour drive down to SLC.
Sitting in the hotel room the night before the appointment, God and I had a conversation. No, it was not an audible voice from Heaven, but it was God talking directly to me. I'm taking some literary liberties here, but this is essentially the conversation.
God, please let me be strong tomorrow. Help me remember all the things I want to say and ask. Let me not get distracted by his fancy medical talk.
Chris, do you trust me?
Of course I do God. You know that.
What do you trust me with?
Well I trust you with everything. After all, I've given you my life. I guess that kind of includes everything.
Do you trust that I brought you to this doctor? Not just any doctor, not just any ENT, but this specific doctor. Do you trust that I brought you to him for a reason?
Then maybe you can just relax a little. He's a good doctor. I've given him the wisdom necessary to help you. Even now, I'm guiding him to provide the right treatment and the right medications.
So, I didn't give him my speech; it had become unnecessary, and it seemed to me, disrespectful.
If I trust God, which I do, I need to trust him with everything. Since I know that he's in control, I have accepted that my being sick is somehow part of his plan.
NOTE: This is not an invitation for a theological discussion on whether or not God causes bad things to happen.
I don't understand everything God understands, obviously. I can't understand what little I do know about life. So to understand how my sickness could be part of a good plan is beyond me. Even so, I'm trusting that God is in control. Many of my friends are praying for my healing, and I appreciate every prayer. I don't pray for healing myself. I am content with my situation. It's beyond my understanding, but I can be content, even in the midst of life.
If God wanted to heal me, he could/would do it instantly. Obviously he hasn't, and who am I to question why? I am trusting that all this is leading to something greater.
I am content.