The journey has been long, and difficult at times. That's not exactly true. It's been difficult more often than not. In fact, I can't think of a single time in the last 2 years when my spiritual walk has been easy. Of course some would say it's not supposed to be easy.
After Thanksgiving, I went through the lowest low of my life. I've never experience true depression, but that was close. Some mornings I was almost frozen with indecision. It was not permanent though. Much of that condition was related to my physical difficulties.
I've been meeting with my pastor, which is helping, a lot.
I've also read two books recently that have made me think, deeply, and consider the nature of my spirituality. The Shack is an amazing book. It has created some strong reactions within the church, especially from fundamentalists, who seem to believe it's heresy. If you read it as non-fiction, or theological discourse, or biblical commentary, prepare to be disappointed.
I read it as a fictional story (which the author makes very clear with the word "FICTION" on the cover). It is a great story of one man's encounter with God and his struggle with life and religion.
On their website another book is recommended: So You Don't Want to Go to Church Anymore. This book made me think even more than The Shack. It's a story about a present day man who meets John, which just might be the original apostle. It addresses our relationship with Jesus, the nature of that interaction, and how God wants us to approach him.
I have not lost my faith, although it certainly has been damaged. The pastor I'm seeing said at one point he lost all faith and had to start over, rediscovering Christ. I think that would be an interesting and worthwhile journey for me.
I'll let you know what happens.