Monday, November 5, 2007

Torn in Twin

I have to admit: I'm confused.

I told you that I have all these gift cards that have been given to me, and that I don't really have anything I want/need to buy.

Today I mentioned my dilemma to Sue (at the middle school). Her suggestion: buy some books and donate them to the library. That's actually a great idea.

Here's the problem: my first reaction was, "I'm not going to do that. They're my gift certificates, my money. I'm not going to just buy some books and donate them. How stupid is that." Of course I didn't say any of this out loud. I just thought it. As soon as I realized what I was thinking, I was so embarrassed. Here I am getting rid of stuff, committed to simplifying and eliminating. And yet, the thought of buying something just to give it away was ... hard to think about.

Over the last few years I've given away thousands (literally) of objects, most of which I had bought with my own money. I had no problem giving them away or donating them. Why would I have trouble using my gift cards (I should probably start calling them "the gift cards" instead of "my gift cards") to buy things for a worthy cause?

I don't know. It's an interesting feeling and I'm going to dwell on it for a while to see if I can discover the origin or basis of this obviously selfish attitude.
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